Transitional phases. Even though uncomfortable, I find them so important.
We don’t have the habit of revising aspects of our lives. Sometimes for years... We go on living avoiding changes. With the false idea that the control we have on what remains keeps us - safe… Untroubled.
And yet, often such control isn’t doing us any service. We live unchanged hoping that whatever feels wrong will work itself out. Sometimes it does. Most of the times it doesn’t. But to remain static and inflexible is unrealistic and in my view it’s going against our nature.
Luckily for us, on moments of occasional consciousness, if we dare to pose questions to ourselves, we are surprised to notice that our will is another. That our desires have changed and we actually yearn for something a lot different than what we’ve always considered to be our way of being or living.
Through these answers we are confronted with that powerful fact, which despite being at times so unpleasant, it wakes us and might encourage us into a different act.
I’m writing a blog for the first time. Which coincides with one of the biggest changes I consciously made in the past decades.
After close to thirteen years living away in a city that slowly became my own I suddenly felt foreign to it. How strange it was this sensation of dissatisfaction where once, for so long, it had fed me with enthusiasm!
Throughout the years I had envisioned a particular scenario for myself; the one and only I could accept then, because it fit me right, it fed my ego and its growing familiarity kept me confident and secure. It’s the perfect scenario to chase and build dreams. But, only if we’re chasing and building the right ones.
As it happened, once and then again, observant of my emotions, I noticed surprised how this scenario seemed not to accommodate my purpose anymore. I realised it didn’t fit me or served me.
I could now understand the source of my uneasiness and apathy.
It took me by surprise though. Perhaps naively, but I never expected this to occur. I never thought something else could be better, preferable, more desirable even. I couldn’t envision it. I’ve always wanted that.
But there I was. My desires had changed and what I knew as to being my reality - suddenly was fuzzy. Was I meant to go after something else? It certainly felt like it.
And at this point in life I didn’t need an explanation. I know now that everything is in constant change. And so are we, even if so subtly. Paying attention and accepting such, you’ll very likely end up in a transitional phase. It is this moment that unveils either long forgotten ideals or fresh outcomes, perhaps unthinkable before.
In my case I was quick to embrace it. I respected that feeling. And as I write I already find myself surrounded, somewhat in a new and unpredictable scenario. I moved cities. I’ve transitioned.
I should say I came back home really. Theoretically yes. Yet I struggle with such concept as home it ceased to be long time ago.
Being back doesn’t simply make me feel I’m where I’ve always belonged. Is there such thing even? Are we to belong somewhere? And is it a return or stepping forward to close a cycle? I prefer the latter.
I have changed mostly and outgrown the belonging. And the concept of home has become another. There will be places where I build life - some might become home, yes. Some will cease to be. But it is changeable, like everything else.
I’m currently in between. Feeling slightly homeless and at the same time grateful for the love of those who welcome me and the endless possibilities that only the not belonging somewhere could possibly give me.
So… the transitional phase. The one that resets everything. Overwhelming it may feel it is also liberating. The detachment to places, belongings, ideas… to be able to think things through, without the weight of all that seemed to have build me.
Perhaps we don’t really need those. Not anymore. We should always be able to reform. Be curious, imaginative; even spontaneous with our routes.
The transitional phase is the hardest when we keep holding on to convictions that don’t serve us any longer. When our mind is resisting to see anew. When we stubbornly resist to the changes we are ready to face and are already happening within ourselves.
And most of the times, if we find ourselves at a transitional period, it means we’ve outgrown the boundaries of our environment anyway; and we long for a new challenge so that we can naturally expand and progress.
Despite the vulnerability, once you allow yourself out of your comfort zone, you are breaking barriers and creating opportunity. You are able to reformulate new lifestyle parameters, new notions, broadening your choices and hence new prospects gain shape.
It will most certainly take you to places of joy. Eventually it will.
I may be in a limbo, dealing with uncertain cause-effect events. But I am certain of my decision, as certain I was of the restrictions of feeling out of place. I am now patient. Living my freedom in my mind. The relief of letting go and daring for something else. Even not knowing what that may be – the positive aspect being that it broadens the scope of possibilities. How exciting that can be too.
And slowly things start to gain form. Having a little patience and in time we know again.
If you find yourself in an unsettling place, understand you are there for a reason. Trust you’re in the right place and something will inevitably unfold for you. Through you.
When was the last time you asked yourself if there’s something that needs changing?
What changes have you consciously made in the past years?
How is it affecting your life? Is it benefitting you?
Change is good.
It will take you, if not to a answer, to a new way of something else that will in turn awaken parts of yourself you might have forgotten or you didn’t know were there.
Those are also part of you. So embrace them as your own and let your inner wisdom guide you without fear. If you’re fully honest with yourself you will find what you need to proceed. It’s in there somewhere.
All is well.